I want to belong to a single mindset. I want to throw away my fashions and bong and wear shorts for an eternity scribbling cartoons in my crumpled notepad. I want to roam my house and spend a long time staring at the flowers, analyse them to the core and decide they’re ugly. I want to live in my untouchable bubble of observation and Chinese food spending a long time brushing my teeth after lunch. I want to rip the ‘I’ key from my keyboard and watch it drop deep into the ocean, but its such a persistent topic, this lunacy.
However, most unfortunately. Most days, I drown out life. I roll up the cuffs of my jeans and convince myself I hate the world and it hates me. I go strange places with friends and smoke so much weed time stops flowing. I write frantic poetry about the universe possessing my soul and drink until I fall asleep beneath the stars. I punch my pillow and brainlessly watch a film from the 1980s. I go everywhere and hate myself for it because its leading nowhere. I wake up at 9:30 on a school day and drink crappy coffee at a nearby café until last period has arrived. And then rarely, just so very rarely. I feel enlightened to a degree, from all this nowhere action. And I write words. And that rare occasion, are the words you’re reading now.